Size Preference

Size 8, 12 and 14

Based on an online survey majority of votes went to the size 12 woman, with 41% saying that she had the body shape of their “ideal girlfriend”. Almost as many men voted for the size 14 model. A piddling 20% of readers selected our size eight model pictured as their ideal girl.

I have always understood from listening to men talk that they enjoy curves, but so many men drool over the toned and fit bodies of women that I find it confusing as to what they really want. On one hand you have some men saying they don't want women stick thin, but then they still seem to really appreciate the body of a thin, toned, fit woman. It always seems to be those women who are labelled "hot", and not the girl who is a bit curvier. These curvier women can still be beautiful, and are acknowledged as so, but it seems that their appeal is somehow less than that of the "fit" women. 

Also, some men seem to be incredibly critical of women and their weight saying that they would never date a "chunky" girl, and refer to women who are still within a normal weight, albeit on the higher end of the range. This is a whole other issue in itself but the fact that this happens says something. 

Are women desiring to be smaller, thinner and lighter than what is considered to be the ideal size by men? Do men really want a slightly curvier woman?

I feel as thought these men who say they would prefer the middle sized woman would jump at the chance to be with the smaller woman over the larger woman. Who knows though?

Professor Marika Tiggemann from Flinders University said that the results supported academic research on the topic.

"We find women want to be thinner than what men find attractive. Men's idea of what is 'thin' is larger than that of women. Unfortunately, a lot of people think being thin demonstrates being in control or being disciplined, while being fat is a sign you're weak."

The editor of women's magazine Cleo, Nedahl Stelio, said that most women did not diet for men but for other women.

"Most men I know would go for more boob over thinner thighs, but women, by nature, are competitive with other women. And if the society and celebrity ideal is thin, that's what she's going to aspire to, just to get one up on other women."

She said that women embarked on extreme diets or developed eating disorders for a number of reasons, and it was over simplistic to attribute such behavior to a bid to appeal to the opposite sex.

"It is very, very complex and it is certainly not just brought about because some people desire to be thin in some sort of effort to attract men. People develop eating disorders for a wide variety of reasons, including low self-esteem and family history of depressive illness" 

So are women really just driving themselves crazy over what other women think? I think this is definitely something to consider. How many times have we thought of going to see female friends of ours and put in extra effort to look effortlessly striking. Women can be judgmental so it sometimes makes me feel as though I need to look amazing, thin, beautiful and put together. I wonder what other women have thought or said about my appearance and weight behind my back.

However I do know that I have had similar thoughts about men. I put in effort for them as well and wonder about their evaluation of me. Some men I know have commented on my change in appearance or weight before so I know they are not blind to it. Do they really not prefer the smaller woman?

Perhaps I am too self conscious and worried about what others think of my appearance and weight because I am too concerned with my weight and what I look like. 

I still cannot shake the feeling that men would prefer me at a smaller size and more toned and fit, despite what this say. 

Weight Stereotyping

 A study was done at  Yale which showed that discrimination against heavier individuals had increased to about 66%. 

Glamour magazine then conducted a study about weight stereotyping:

"We asked respondents to imagine a woman whom they had never met and knew nothing about except that she was “overweight” or “thin”; they then had to choose from pairs of words, like ambitious or lazy, to describe her. They could select neither, but fewer than half did—a telling statistic"

Basically our weight has a lot to do with how we are judged and cause people to make a lot of assumptions about us, our personalities, our work ethic, ect.

Weight Stereotyping: The Secret Way People Are Judging You Based on Your Body

 “Sloppy.” “Lazy.” “Slow.” Franki Northern-King gets the message loud constantly. and clear, and “I’ve been called all those things—and let’s not forget ‘stinky,’” says the 32-year-old business-management student from Huntington, West Virginia. “At 5'3" and 250 pounds, I’m reminded of my weight 50 times a day by store clerks, coworkers, family, boyfriends, you name it,” says Northern-King, who goes to school full-time and works 20 hours a week to earn tuition money. “I feel like people have forgotten how to see the human being.”

Shocking? Maybe. But the judging wouldn’t surprise Elise Maggioncalda, 24, who works at a neuroscience lab in Charleston, South Carolina. She’s experienced it too, even though she’s eight inches taller and 120 pounds lighter. “I’m really aware of being stereotyped as an uptight, controlling, unwomanly, bitchy person,” she says, “and all kinds of people do it, from waitresses commenting on my order to shoppers at the supermarket. I’m not walking around with a scowl on my face, but it’s completely obvious they’re hating on me.” 

Images like the one above send a clear message. 

Books are Judged By Their Covers

"Many view their fellow man through the lens of “skinny, sneaky bitches/bastards” and “big, fat, lazy pigs.” While that perception is far from reality, it unfortunately is what it is. If you are obese many are going to judge you as sloppy, lacking self-control and weak. This includes employers, who studies show pay fat workers less based on the negative perceptions noted … if they hire them at all."

I personally find these finding kind of disturbing but not necessarily shocking. I have always thought these things, but about myself. I'll look at myself and think that others will think i'm lazy, stupid, and undisciplined because of my weight, and that they would be more inclined to think I am smart, ambitious and competent if i am thin and fit. I find these finding unsettling because it confirms that those beliefs I have about weight influencing others evaluation of who I am. 

Sources

Glamour Article: http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/2012/05/weight-stereotyping-the-secret-way-people-are-judging-you-based-on-your-body-glamour-june-2012

Review Article: http://heyfatassguide.com/tag/skinny-bitches/

New Years Eve Dress

Went shopping today and bought a dress for New Years Eve. So far the plan is to meet up with a bunch of friends and go to some sort of event. We decided against doing the typical house party thing. It'll be nice to dress up and go do something different.

Here is the dress. We are all going to be doing something with sequins just for fun.

Why not? It's NYE!

Hopefully we will all be looking our best :)

Now some pics:

Girl crush- Emma Stone and weight loss

I have the biggest girl crush on Emma Stone. I think she's hilarious, genuine, gorgeous and just amazing.

 I also noticed that she has lost weight over the years. Likely due to becoming more famous, Hollywood pressure and just growing up.

Before

 In the move House Bunny

After

 She was never overly big to begin with but she lost the extra fat and looks slimmer/ more toned without being scary thin. I find this inspiring because it shows exactly what I'd like to do myself. There are some awesome pictures of people losing a lot of weight but unless the starting and finishing weights are around where I was/ where I would like to be I find it harder to relate to.

Some other celebs that dropped some weight:

Arm fat

I hate arm fat. Its just cruel because it's so hard to hide. You can cover it up but people still know its there and if you don't cover it up people really know it's there. Arms can really change the look of an dress/top/outfit.

My personal opinion of these two aside. One has "toned" arms and the other has "fat" arms, proportionally speaking.

I don't think Hilary's arms are actually that fat its just that they lack definition and have always been slightly larger. Either way, I know which arms I'd prefer.

There is just something about larger arms that really makes it noticeable that someone has gained weight.

In the picture above I find i really focus on the arms. In the picture below her arms weren't all that skinny compared to the rest of her body so I think it must be the change in shape/amount of fat rather than actual size.

Anyways.

I know I rambled on about arm fat for awhile its just that arm fat is the indicator that I have gained to much weight. I am prone to fluctuating but once it reached the point where my arms look fat I know I let myself go.

fucking arm fat. grr.

Miley changed

This is old news but still.

Not a fan of her but my thoughts about Miley aside, I really like how her body looks now and how she changed it. I know some people think she went to far with the weight loss or isn't losing weight in a healthy way but I actually think it looks really good.

Like I am a fan of the shoulder chest area in this dress. I really like that look for whatever reason.

 I think she looks awesome in the after pictures. Before I always felt she had a tendency to look a little bloated and trashy but now she looks great. Just my opinion but I'd love to have her body.

3 months of pent up thoughts

So I went away for work these past couple months. Outdoor work, physical work, remote work. It was a really good move for me actually because it got me away from bullshit drama, gossip and basically any demons that I still had. I was away from anyone or anything that had been causing me any bit of anguish or stress and was in an environment so far removed and so busy that my mind was able to truly escape. Because of this I can say that I’m happier, in a better place and have resolved a lot of issues I may have had, be it with my thoughts on my ex, my friends or myself.

Due to the physical nature of the job I ate whatever was made for me and didn’t really bother to think of what it would do, such as how healthy it was or if it would cause me to gain weight, because it was simply fuel for the work I needed to do. I ended up losing weight and putting on a fair bit of muscle this way actually. Now that I’m done that work I put some weight back on since I didn’t curb the eating habits, so I believe that this recent gain and going back into society might have spurred a desire to lose weight again. Being surrounded by mirrors and people who actually care about their appearance can definitely take their toll on one’s self esteem and will shape how a person thinks they ought to look.

Little aspects of my disordered mind did stay with me however. Comments upon my weight loss did not simply pass by but rather were treasured, as recognition by others for something is sickeningly fulfilling.

There was a situation that made me realize how fucked I can be in many ways. There was a guy, a good friend of mine, but also someone who I would mess around with if we were both high on hash. It stayed pg-13, nothing progressing further for a multitude of reasons that will be explained in a later post, but it had a level of intimacy on an emotional level to be sure. 

He was very lean and tall and by his own admittance had a type which suited his look; tall, super skinny, big boobs, pretty face, shorter dark hair. Now I do not fit that, not in the slightest, a fact we both were not shy admitting to. I am by no means tall, especially not in the legs as he so prefers and I am definitely not the super skinny type, which was something I could not help but think of when I was with him. That stung a little, making me wonder how he felt about my body if he had been with these types of girls who have the bodies most women vie for. 

He later did comment however that I was very refreshing, as I was not riddled with insecurities and came across confident, independent and assertive (for lack of a better word, a word neither of us found even with searching). I was slightly confused by this as I don’t consider myself to be that kind of person, but I suppose I must not see myself the way others do. Or perhaps this trip helped me grow into my own a little bit. I also loved how he loved my collar bones. He mentioned it one day, tracing them with his fingers lazily and then his lips, that I had beautiful collar bones. It was a strange little comment that I cherished, as he would be the type to appreciate the delicate form of bone under skin, as he was accustomed to thin girls, but also the fact that it was on me, who clearly isn’t within that realm. He was interesting to say the least. More about him, how it started and what happened with him later.

While I was away a good friend of mine would contact me occasionally and we would talk, but often I would hear her bitching about how she had gained weight and “let herself get even fatter than before”.  I have mentioned this friend before, saying that she often serves as a sort of reverse thinspo for me, as awful as that may sound. I knew her plan for the summer was to get into shape and lose weight, as it always is, but I guess she just completely abandoned that goal or something and just said fuck it. I have not seen her since I left but I saw one picture she posted and from the looks of it she wasn’t kidding when she said she put on weight. Who knows though.

 I do think I am being a bit cruel in saying she just gave up because I know she is trying to go to the gym regularly but I am not sure of how hard, long or often she works out. There is also the matter of her inability to control what she eats, which in my opinion is the real killer considering I’ve seen her eat, not to sound like a bitch.  The point of this was that having people close to me gain weight now scares me a little bit, as if some irrational part of my brain thinks its contagious. In all fairness you could argue bad habits are so there may be some truth to that statement.

My mother however, still as tiny as ever, serves to motivate me. She will always offer me some article of clothing of hers, like a cute pair of shorts, telling me to try them on and that I can have them if I want. Problem is, they are always like a size too small, or they’ll fit but be a little too tight for comfort. I don’t know if she thinks I’m smaller than I am or in some unlikely alternate universe kinda of way she is secretly fucking with me and trying to make me feel like shit .I don’t actually think that, just to clarify, but the effect is the same nonetheless.

I do now realize that I don’t just want to be thin, but rather fit and toned. This seems obvious but I have never been a huge fan of the skinny fat look and I recently came upon it close up. I visited my cousin who has always had an amazing figure, toned and fit, but now she let herself go and is clearly skinny fat, not much bigger than before but significantly less attractive. Seeing the change up close on someone I know well really drove the point home.

Anyways, this has been incredibly long and ramble-y but I needed to write for my own sake. I won’t be able to include pics with my posts, except for ones I take with my phone, as I’m using a family computer for the next week or so. After that I’ll try to include some thinspo, and fitspo too, which I am really into right now.

Either way, I’m back, wanting to change myself but I feel less self destructive and much more positive about doing so.