3 pounds

I've been busy lately with exams and such, but I have a little bit of time before my next one thankfully.

Sunday- 137.5

Today (Friday)- 134.5

It seems that consciously staying aware of my goal is paying off, as it helps me to be aware of the things I am doing that may be helping or hindering my progress. Seeing some results is motivating as well.

Sidenote: I stumbled upon a picture of myself the other day. I've been wanting to put up a picture of myself when I was closer to my highest weight of about 165ish, but there aren't many pictures, especially not pictures where I'm actually exposing my body but I found one. My arms make me want to vomit, and those weren't even my worst feature.

Anyways...

These past few days I have been trying to keep my calories intake on the lower end, with the exception of one night where I was roped into celebrating with my housemates, where I ended up drinking and having a slice of pizza. 

I do think one of my housemates has noticed that I haven't been eating much though. Generally when my housemates are having something to eat I'll make coffee so it seems like I'm having something, or use the excuse of exam stress, being busy, not being hungry or not knowing what I'm craving when they ask me if I've eaten (when they ask its not in an accusatory way ). 

One housemate however made a comment that the reason I was such a lightweight while drinking was because I clearly hadn't had anything to eat all day, and on another occasion mentioned that the reason I had a headache was probably because I hadn't had anything to eat all day. She herself has struggled with bulimia in the past so I feel like she knows whats going on in my head and it freaks me out.

Generally now when I do eat something I try and make sure she sees me eating, so she can't accuse me of not eating. Also having something everyday has kept me from binge eating. I always had trouble with this concept thought, because in my head it makes more sense to eat nothing rather than something, just from a caloric stand point, but I wouldn't factor in how not eating at all causes intense cravings and binge eating, so I would go and eat tons at once and undo any progress I had made. I have to consciously allow myself to eat something small, despite not "needing" to before I get to the point where I am not thinking clearly and binge. Seeing results, namely this method working better than what I was doing before, does help to enforce these new habits. 

I just have to keep at it now that I know it works.