On Saturday morning my weight was down to 128.8 which is good.
Except as it was Christmas Eve I not only skipped my workout to help my mom bake, I also proceeded to eat a lot of the cookies and appetizers. I then decided I had already ruined the day by eating that much so I went on a huge binge of pretty much everything. Then I feigned needing to go for a shower and purged.
Later that night I went on another binge and purged yet again.
I've pretty much been doing the same thing today. I haven't worked out today and have already binged and purged 3 times already and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have dessert and purge later too.
I was doing so well and all the sudden I fucked up. My throat really hurts, I saw some amount of blood and I know I should stop but it makes me feel so much better when I purge after I binge.
I feel like such a failure. Not only because I've started purging again, but because I know that purging doesn't get rid of all the food and those calories I didn't get rid of are probably going to make me gain weight.
I know exactly how you feel right now. I've been struggling really hard not to b/p lately, and the last couple of days have been pretty bad in terms of that. Try not to let it get you down though, bad days happen, and it's not simply a matter of "stopping" or "starting"; it's a process, and there are always ups and downs. It'll pass... the more you worry the more it'll set you off again. Take care <3
ReplyDeleteChristmas Break was so hard, I know how you feel, I hope everything went well for you! <3 staystrong xox
ReplyDeletestay strong x
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